The Wammy Boy Host Club
by EternalSolipsism
Summary: Mello, Matt, and Near are transferred to Ouran Academy, a school for the super rich and beautiful. Mello and Matt begin their time at Ouran in the high school section of the school, while Near begins his at the middle school. While Near becomes friends with Sora and Takumi, Mello and Matt travel to Music Room #3. When they open the door...they find the Host Club.
1. Wait, We're in a What?

Matt slipped the trademark light blue Ouran blazer over his head and pulled it down to the appropriate length. He grabbed the black tie with the single purple stripe down it and hung it around his neck. He tied a full Windsor and tucked the collar down on his dress shirt. _This is why I hate L! He died without even a plan for us so I end up having to go to some stupid fat cat school!_ Mello and Near casually sauntered into the room, already dressed in their new school uniform. Mello wore the usual light blue blazer with the Ouran crest. However, Near wore a white blazer with a dark gold strip down the middle and it was accented with the Ouran crest over the left breast pocket, the uniform for the lower school.

Matt reached into his pocket and pulled out a single cigarette and his lighter. Matt knew that he wouldn't be permitted to smoke anymore when he arrived at Ouran, but rules are not tangible to him. He lit up his cigarette and took a long drag on it. Mello and Near exchanged questioning glances. Matt blew out the smoke, much like a dragon would with fire.

"Matt, you could always sneak onto the roof if you want to smoke at Ouran," Mello started. Matt glanced at him and took another drag on his cigarette. "It seems like it would be easier to get away with instead of sitting behind a dumpster outside the cafeteria." Mello continued. Matt threw his cigarette onto the concrete floor and crushed it with his platform boot.

"Whatever, let's just get this over with. I talked to administration today and they said that this little 'arrangement' won't be permanent They are just putting us here until they find another school that is more suitable for our 'skills'. Cough, cough, gaming and shit, cough, cough!" Matt said as he looked into the wardrobe mirror and brushed his firetruck red hair with his hand. He then picked up his silver goggles from the bed and adjusted them on his head.

"Let's go!" Matt said, as the group turned and walked out of the room, not looking back at their old home.

* * *

"Mello and Matt, Suoh Tamaki, Fujioka Haruhi, Ootori Kyoya and Hitachiin Karou will be your assigned guides at Ouran. They will answer any questions you have about our marvelous school." Akira looked at Mello and Matt's albino friend. "Near, your guides will be Haninozuka Mitsukuni, Morinozuka Takashi, and Hitachiin Hikaru. I believe that they are all in Music Room #3, but you three can visit them after lunch. Oh yes, Mello and Matt, you have lunch A. It is French themed food day." Akira-san said as she pointed Mello and Matt toward the cafeteria. "Near, I will show you where the enterance to the middle school is if you would just follow me." Akira said. Near looked back at Mello and Matt. They were walking closer together, Hell, Mello even held Matt's hand as they headed to the cafeteria. Near sighed. "Okay,"

The two stepped foot into the cafeteria. They looked around: young men wearing the same light blue blazers as them, girls wearing elegant yellow dresses with a red ribbon tied around their necks, lunch tables with fine silk table cloths, wine bottles rested casually in the center of each table. Mello smiled as he glanced at Matt. "You know Matt, this might be kinda fun." Matt smirked. "I say we grab some french fries or whatever, and get some wine...then we'll be having a good time!" Matt said with enthusiasm as he pulled a black and blue DS from his pocket. The game inserted was "Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time".

* * *

Near followed behind Akira-san. He had just taken in her appearance, which was actually kind of comforting to him on this momentousness occasion. The woman was fairly young, about 24 years of age. She is roughly 170 cm, her hair is a warm brown color. Her facial features are soft. Near's white hair wafted back and forth as they walked to the middle school through the hallway. Akira stopped in the middle of the hallway as she saw two students walk by who were wearing the middle school uniform.

"Sora-kun, Takumi-kun, can you please help Near find his classes?"Akira asked. Both of the students nodded in unison and walked towards Near. "Near, I'm sure they will give you the grand tour. I need to get back to my work. I hope everything goes great for you today!" Akira said as she walked away back in the direction of her office.

"Near, I'm Sora and this is Takumi. We're going to show you all of the secrets of Ouran!" Sora exclaimed enthusiastically Both Sora and Takumi grabbed each of Near's hands and pulled him toward the middle school part of the building.

* * *

Matt poured more wine for himself, not taking his eyes off of the screen. Mello also filled up another glass, taking small sips of the red liquid. He sighed as he watched Matt.

"Have you finished the game yet?" Mello asked in a monotone voice.

"One does not just 'finish the game'. There's still a shit ton of quests I need to do...like getting the Biggoron sword. That quest is such a hassle! I mean, It's nearly impossible to bring shit to people in record time. Getting from Zora's domain to Lake Hylia in three minutes so stupid eye drops don't expire? Fuck that shit." Matt ranted.

"God, I just asked you if you finished the game! I never asked for your life story!" Mello exclaimed.

Mello looked at the clock. 12: 26 pm. Mello couldn't help but think about who he was to meet in Music Room #3. Four guides for two people? A little much? But then, Near has three guides.

Mello took Matt's DS and turned it off, then grabbed Matt's wrist and pulled him from the table.

"What the fuck!?" Matt exclaimed, trying to grab his DS back.

"We're going to that damn music room so our tour can get started, okay!?" Mello said.

Mello and Matt walked, again hand in hand, up the red carpeted staircase to the upper floor of Ouran. They walked straight down the hallway and stopped. They looked up at the door in front of them. The sign above the door read "Music Room #3" in kanji. The two glanced at each other. They breathed in and out, almost counting in unison in their heads. Then, they wrapped their hand around the gold door knob and turned it, opening the door.

Bright red rose petals wafted through the air as they stood there in awe. In front of them were 7 handsome men gazing at them as if they had never saw other men except themselves in their life. When they opened the door, they found...The Host Club.

"Welcome!" they said in unison, their voices mingling perfectly.


	2. Wait, Near Joins the Drama Club?

Mello and Matt glanced at each other awkwardly. The door behind them clicked shut. Mello and Matt looked at the group of gorgeous boys in front of them. One of the boys was tall and lanky with black hair and glasses; Another boy, this one with blonde hair and a rose in one hand, had his arm around a feminine looking boy with brown hair and big, beautiful brown eyes. To the right of them were two red headed twins who were standing unusually close to each other. Lastly, a little boy with blonde hair who was holding a stuffed rabbit, stood next to a silent man with dark hair and eyes to match.

"Welcome to the Ouran Host Club!" the tall, blonde haired man said as he waved his blood red rose around and danced his way over to Mello and Matt. He lowered his eyes and grinned. "It's very unusual that we get guys to come to our club." he said as he tickled Matt's chin with his finger, causing him to blush.

Mello grit his teeth and pulled Matt closer to himself. "I'm sorry, but we are lovers!" Mello exclaimed as he wrapped his arm tightly around Matt's and squeezed it. The blonde host took a few steps back from them.

"Lovers going to a host club together? That's new." the Host Boy asked.

"Okay, seriously, what is a host club? I demand to know!" Mello exclaimed.

The hosts all laughed in unison. "A host club is a place where rich and beautiful girls go to be entertained because they have way too much time on their hands. A host is someone who entertains them by talking to them and keeping them company. By the way...I'm Tamaki, that is Honey-senpai, Mori-senpai, Kyoya-senpai, Hikaru & Karou, and the commoner is our newest host, Haruhi." Tamaki explained. Haruhi frowned at his 'commoner' remark.

"Wait! Tamaki..Haruhi...Kyoya...Karou...are you are our guides?" Mello asked.

The hosts looked at each other and nodded.

"...No way," Mello whispered under his breath.

* * *

Sora and Takumi pulled Near through the hallway of the middle school. They ran toward the door that said "Auditorium: Alarm will sound". Sora looked at Near.

"Don't worry, the alarm is never on." he said in a chuckle as he pushed the door open and escorted near to the metal stairwell that was a few feet away.

The group dashed their way up the stairs, hearing nothing but the ruffling of pants and metal clanking. They continued until they reached a ladder that led up to a locked compartment. Sora and Takumi stopped in front of the ladder.

"In case you haven't been informed, this is the 'skeleton' of the auditorium. This ladder leads to the roof." Sora explained as he gestured for the key.

Takumi tossed it to him. Sora dashed up the ladder in a way that reminded Near of a squirrel. After a few moments of fidgeting with the lock it opened and Sora pushed the compartment open, revealing a bright blue sky.

"Come on, Near!" he exclaimed as he pulled himself onto the roof. Takumi climbed the ladder before Near and met his friend on the roof.

Near followed Takumi onto the roof.

"This is Ouran Academy's roof. We usually skip our 4th period class to stay up here and play Rummy or just throw 10 Yen coins at people's cars." Sora said as he chuckled.

"But we can't move around up here that much or the whole auditorium will be able to hear us." Takumi said, glancing at Near and pointing to the rocks that crumbled under his feet.

"I still think the grid is higher than this though." Sora said.

"The grid is considered one of the highest places in the auditorium. It is a good 65 feet above the stage. You can see everything below it. There is a ladder on the grid that takes you to the higher roof. That roof doesn't have rocks, which is a good thing for us." he continued.

"Are you guys in drama club, or something?" Near asked.

"As a matter of fact...yes we are! I am the head of set and Takumi is an actor; he was cast as Conrad Birdie in 'Bye, Bye Birdie' last year." Sora explained.

Takumi looked at Sora, and back at Near. "You should join drama!"

* * *

Mello let go of Matt's arm and started at Tamaki.

"Why would they pair us with hosts!?" Mello exclaimed.

Tamaki shrugged his shoulders and pulled down the front of his blazer.

"Well, we might as well get this tour started!" Tamaki said, extending his hand and ignoring Mello's question. Haruhi, Karou, and Kyoya came to Tamaki's side. Mello glanced at Matt, whose expression was now blank. Mello gritted his teeth and grabbed Haruhi's sleeve, pulling him closer to him.

"Fine, but he is leading this tour!" Mello said angrily. Haruhi looked at Tamaki-senpai, who frowned and gave him the okay to take on leadership.

"I guess I have no choice," Haruhi said in a voice that was much higher than Mello, or Matt for that matter, expected.

* * *

"Drama club? Let's try...no." Near said, unenthusiastically.

"Oh come on, Near! It will be fun! You don't even have to be on stage if you don't want to!" Sora said persuasively.

"Not to mention it's a totally subarashii way to pick up girls!" Takumi added. Near frowned more.

"It's not my thing, okay. Please, stop bugging me about it! But, if there is a criminal justice club, I would be happy to join." Near said.

"Sora-kun, Kumi-kun, are you up there!?" a female voice called from below the ladder.

All three of the students looked down the ladder simultaneously There was a girl wearing a long-sleeved brown uniform shirt with a bow and a short brown skirt. Her hair was black, but her bangs were snow white, the perfect compliment to her mysterious dark red eyes.

"Sakura-chan? Why aren't you in class?" Takumi asked.

"I need the keys to the costume room so I can finish my dress." she explained.

Sora rummaged through his pocket and tossed his keys to Sakura.

"Arigatou!" She exclaimed as he ran down the steps and disappeared.

Near looked at his friends, Sora and Takumi.

"...Where do I sign up?"


	3. Wait, Near Meets Sakura?

Near twisted his snow white hair around with his finger as he sat on the floor of his room with a blank puzzle in front of him. He shuffled his toes together as he was deep in thought recalling the activities of his first day at Ouran. He remembered watching Mello and Matt walk away hand in hand, Matt curse about how he wishes the uniforms were black instead of blue, the trip to the roof and...the beautiful girl known as Sakura. He blushed as he thought of her. He didn't know why he became happy when he thought of her beautiful black and white hair or her carefree smile. Near's laptop had been brushed to the side of him. On it was an open webpage that explained what the musical "Kuroshitsuji" was about.

Near scanned the page, reading on and on. The play was about a wealthy teenager named Ciel who formed a contract with a demon butler named Sebastian after Ciel's parents were killed in a fire. The twist in this play was that through the entire play, the main actress will play female Ciel. Female Ciel had long, curly blue hair with a beautifully elaborate pink dress. He flipped back to a webpage with the castings so far. Sakura had gotten the part of Ciel Phantomhive, but there was not yet a Sebastian cast.

_ Too bad I am not an actor. By what it says in the description, it is a love story. Also, the songs look pretty difficult as well. I feel bad for the jazz band. Wait, will they have the jazz band playing the music? I've taken a look or two at the scores and all the songs are basically written for string instruments like violins and cellos._

* * *

Matt woke up, halfway off of his bed. He remembered the tour that the Ouran hosts gave him and Mello last night. Matt sat up and pushed the covers off of his bed. Then, he slowly pulled open his curtains, allowing blinding sunlight to flood the room. The clock read 10:43 A.M. Matt's classes begin at 11 o'clock, due to his personalized schedule (and always-present laziness). The teen stumbled to his mirror and brushed his crimson coloured hair back behind his ears.

Matt, as usual, slipped on his Ouran blazer, hastily tied his black and purple tie, and forced his black dress shoes onto his feet. As he was about to walk out the door, he dashed back to his dresser to grab his half-empty cigarette package, and his black and blue coloured DS. He left his apartment with a devilish grin.

* * *

"Good morning, Sakura! You look cute as always!" Takumi teased Near as he was sitting down, trying to enjoy his lunch of Cheerios orange juice, and a red apple. Near's frown had grown more since he first arrive at Ouran.

"I can help you try on your corset! Oh my, it will be just like when Sebastian and Ciel did it!" Sora joined in.

"I will kill both of you without a moments hesitation." Near muttered under his breath, remembering that his Death Note is safely locked away in the Kira Investigation Headquarters.

Sora and Takumi ignored Near's annoyance. "You both have white in your hair...It must be fate!"

Near clenched his teeth together. _Keep it together Near. Don't do anything that you will regret.._

Near sprang up from the lunch table and bolted out of the cafeteria and down the hall. He didn't even look back to see if Sora or Takumi were following him, which they weren't. Near bust through the auditorium doors. After opening a few more doors he was in the skeleton of the auditorium. He ran up a few flights of stairs until he leaned his back against the wall and slid to the ground.

_Damn them! Damn them all! Those bastards don't realize who I am! Th-they have no right to tease me for liking Sakura (if I even like her...I barely know her!). Maybe I should just go on the roof for a few minutes to clear my-_

Near's thoughts were interrupted when he heard a door open from one of the lower levels of the skeleton.

"Hello!? Is someone there?" a female voice called.

Near recognized the beautiful voice.

"Sakura?"


	4. Wait, Near is Nate?

"Sakura?" Near questioned.

"Who's there?" the black haired girl called. Near heard the metal clinking of the steps as Sakura walked up the skeleton. She turned the corner and saw the albino boy slumped against the concrete wall. She looked down at Near with sympathetic eyes. Sakura crouched down next to the smaller boy.

"Are you alright? You look like you are going to cry." Sakura said, noticing that Near's eyes were beginning to well up with tears. She shifted her position and was sitting against the wall with the young detective. Near felt somewhat excited that Sakura was sitting next to him, but somewhat humiliated at the same time because she has to watch him cry. Near tried to stare at the floor so that he would not be lost in her beautiful crimson eyes.

"I'm fine, but thank you for your concern. Sakura, is it?" Near asked.

"Yes, Sakura Mitsuya. My parents named me after the Cherry Blossoms that bloom in the Spring. I was born on March 20th, which is the usually the day of the Spring Equinox. Enough about me, what is your name?" Sakura inquired.

Near hesitated for a moment. Just tell her your name!

"Nate," Near huffed under his breath. Near's eyes widened at what he heard himself reveal. His name. The name that was not just a nickname given to him by L, but by his real parents. The parents that he never knew or will never know.

_I am such a careless fool! Why did I just give out my name to her? I didn't mean to, though! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I'd run away but that would be horribly rude. Maybe after school or tonight or tomorrow or- no! That is cowardly. Here, how about I "accidently" fall off the roof. Problem solved. Near, you are not thinking logically! Damn it! She's looking at me. Say something, you worthless fool!_

"Nice to meet you, Sakura." Near breathed.

"So, Nate, I think we should talk about why you are crying." Sakura suggested worridly.

Near sighed. He knew that there was a limit to how much he could tell her without humiliating himself. "It's just some of my friends. They were making fun of me for liking this girl and...it got to me. Then, I ran to the auditorium and you walked in and...here we are." he mumbled.

Sakura smiled. "Don't listen to them! They are idiots! 99% of boys are, but you, Nate, are not one of them."

Near blushed at her comment.

"Hey Sakura, can I ask you a favor?" Near asked.

"Anything, Nate." she replied with a bright smile.

Near looked at the ground and twirled his white hair around his index finger.

"Please don't tell Sora and Takumi, or anyone for that matter, that my name is Nate. I wish that they, and everyone else in this school, will know me as Near." Near begged.

"As you wish, Nate. I mean, Near." Sakura agreed. She glanced over to him again.

"If I may ask, why do you wish to keep your name from your friends?" Sakura questioned.

"It's quite a long story." Near admitted.

Sakura grinned. "I have plenty of time, good sir!" She grabbed Near's fragile hand and pulled him to his feet. "Time for a little adventure." she purred.

Near followed as Sakura led him though the door to their right, which led to the first catwalk. There were at least 30 or 40 lights on this level. Sakura didn't bother to turn the lights on. For a moment Sakura stopped and crouched down by a light labeled "21". She picked up a knob and bolt that had fallen off the light.

"Newbie mistake. Me and my friend, Honey, were working on patching some lights into the board when our mentor wasn't here and I loosened this light to move it, but when I tried to make it tighten, it just got looser and fell off." Sakura explained.

"Nate, uh-Near! Get down!" Sakura whispered as someone entered through the stage door. It was the director of their production, who sauntered to center stage and stopped. Near pushed his head down next to Sakura. They peered down at the director who was finishing up the set designs for Kuroshitsuji.

"We're not supposed to be here until after school. She'll kill us if she found out that we're here! She busted me and Honey for running around through the auditorium yesterday. We ran though the skeleton and the cats. At one point he locked me out of the light booth so I had to go all the way to the balcony, through the skeleton, surpass Hikaru's strength so that I could open the door to the spot booth, and go down the ladder to the light booth." Sakura explained quietly.

After a few moments, Near and Sakura saw the director leave and turn off the stage lights. "That's our cue! Onto stage right!" She exclaimed as she grabbed Near's hand and led themselves off the catwalk.

"Sakura, I don't tell anyone my real name because of a little black book." Near started.


	5. Wait, Mello Gets Rejected?

Mello and Matt walked with Haruhi Fujioka through the hallways of Ouran. Mello and Matt had not seen Near for a couple of hours and they had last heard that he was going to be with Sora and Takumi.

It had been a few days at Ouran and Matt was already planning to commit homicide on every student and teacher in the academy. It was more than obvious that Matt detested the so-called "impeccable" school. All of the students are stuck up blue-bloods and have more interest in their social lives than academics. However, Matt did befriend a group of kids who he was certain were in the black magic club.

Haruhi stopped in the hallway as the trio approached Hikaru Hitachiin, the pitcher of the twins. Hikaru had red hair that barely graced his eyebrows, long eyelashes that rested above his gold eyes, a devilish smile and a tall, slender body. Hikaru smiled at Haruhi. "What's up, commoner...and friends?" Hikaru asked awkwardly. Haruhi returned the smile, "Just passing through." The two talked for a bit, but Hikaru had to leave for his next class.

Matt looked at Haruhi as they walked away. "So, that's Karou?" he asked. Haruhi chuckled at his question. "Hikaru. They actually began wanting to talk to me because I was the only one who could tell them apart. They actually have a game they like to play called the "Which One is Hikaru?" Game." Haruhi replied.

After a long pause, Mello turned to Haruhi. "Why did you want to join the Host Club?" he asked. The Host thought about the question for a moment. "Well, I originally joined because I had broken a very expensive vase and had no way to pay for it. But after a while, The Hosts had become my friends and family. We do everything together. No matter what may happen after high school, I know that the Ouran Host Club will be in my life forever."

Mello and Matt had waved goodbye to Haruhi as they entered their first period class.

* * *

Matt lugged his messenger bag through the door of his apartment and tossed it on the ground, immediately jumping on his bed for rest. He looked at the clock, which read that it was 3:34 in the afternoon. Most kids would have cram school at this time, but Matt honestly didn't feel like putting in the extra effort. After a few moments of rest, Matt heard a knock on his door. Matt lazily picked himself off the bed and trudged to the door half asleep.

_Mello._

"Hello, darling!" Mello said as he stole a kiss from Matt's lips and invited himself inside. Matt was utterly confused and frowned. "What the hell are you doing here? I got sleepin' and studyin' to do. Why the hell did you just prance in here like you own the whole damn place!?" Matt questioned angrily.

"I felt like I could help you with the whole "sleepin'" thing. I mean, we haven't spent the night for a while and..." Mello trailed off, trying to steal another kiss from Matt, only to be utterly rejected again.

"Leave. Please." Matt demanded.

Mello narrowed his eyes at the boy. "Matt, you know you can't get rid of me that easily." he said as tried to tease Matt by pulling Matt's tie closer and closer to himself and licking the side of his neck, only to have Matt pull away once again.

"Do I have to spell it out for ya? I'm not in the damn mood!" Matt shouted at Mello.

Mello gritted his teeth. "Is it because I'm not a girl!? I see how you look at these blue-blood harlots! If it will make you want me, I'll wear a dress and put my hair into pigtail or a ponytail or whatever you wa-" Mello's pleads were cut off by Matt. "You are missing the damn point! I don't want you tonight! Go home, Mello!" Matt ordered.

Mello wiped away the tears streaming from his eyes, grabbed his messenger bag and sprinted out the door, making sure to slam it as hard as he could.

"Clingy bastard." Matt muttered under his breath as he took out his Psch and AP Lang. homework and began working diligently.

Mello hid from Matt the next day, still feeling depressed and angry that he was rejected. Mello gritted his teeth as he watched Matt enter through the academy's doors and head straight upstairs. _His classes aren't on the upper floor._

Mello walked a good 10 or 15 feet behind Matt, as to not be seen easily. As Matt reached the top of the spiral staircase, turned right, and proceeded down the hall to Music Room #3. As Matt opened up the door and walked in, Mello pushed his back into the wall and slid down to the floor, sobbing. _So, he likes hosts, does he!? Am I so bad that he needs to pay for someone's company!?_

Matt smoothed out his Ouran blazer and took a seat at one of the elegant tables set out for them. Hikaru waved at Matt and smiled, making his way over to the other boy. Hikaru sat next to Matt at the table. "Never thought you would actually show up. Where's your "lover"?" He inquired. Matt simply grinned. "I feel like we need some space. I need something else to occupy my time so he isn't bugging me like last night." Matt admitted.

"But I have to say, I'm loving the idea of the Host Club. Getting paid to entertain and comfort girls and guys...I'd be up for that." Matt continued. Hikaru smiled at this. "I'd have to talk to the boss, but I think he'd let you be the Host Club's dog. I think if you do good enough with that then you'll be able to become a host!" Hikaru suggests.


End file.
